Dismissive Avoidant: Does My Dismissive Ex Miss Me? (2023)

FAQs

What makes an avoidant ex miss you? ›

Give them space when they pull away.

Avoidants need lots of space to feel comfortable in a relationship. Since they're afraid of commitment, spending too much time with them will make them feel smothered. When they start to grow distant, respect their need for time apart, even though it might be hard.

The truth is, we've found that most exes who are avoidant will usually not reach out to an ex on their own accord because it usually triggers two things within them; A feeling of trauma and vulnerability that they aren't comfortable with.

They're always looking for the red flags, and they will find them, so when you go no contact with the dismissive avoidant, don't expect them to reach out to you. They won't text you because likely when you were in a relationship with them, you were the one to initiate most of the contact.

Avoidants do sometimes cycle back around to those they have shut out, disappeared on, and ignored. However, just because they come back this doesn't mean this is a viable relationship.

Yes, the dismissive avoidant misses you, but they miss you later on. In the beginning they're going to be relieved that they have their freedom. They can get their independence back and they get to go and do what they want to do without having to answer any questions to anybody.

In spite of the fact that avoidants may regret breaking up, they may regard their ex-partner negatively, and convince themselves that the breakup was their ex's fault. Thus, they may talk themselves into thinking that the breakup was the best decision they ever made.

Do Avoidants regret pushing you away? The fearful avoidant will typically go through a period of euphoria after a breakup due to their newfound freedom from the confines of the relationship. However, that doesn't mean they won't eventually regret the breakup.

Yes. Some dismissive avoidants feel regret the break-up as soon as it happens, especially if they had formed some form of attachment. Some dismissive avoidants try to get back together right after the break-up and other's offer a friendship out of regret.

The avoidant, or the dismissive avoidant will avoid all things about their ex after a breakup (this usually happens during the no contact rule.) After enough of this avoidant behavior feelings slowly begin to bubble to the surface. This makes them want to suppress those feelings.

People with a dismissive avoidant attachment style are often described as lacking the desire to form or maintain social bonds, and they don't seem to value close relationships. These people report, for example, that they are comfortable without close emotional relationships and prefer not to depend on others.

How long do Avoidants pull away for? ›

So a lot of the times you'll see them recover within the next three to five days so leaving them alone is really a great way to deal with the situation. Of course, it's always easier said than done especially when many of our clients have anxious attachment styles.

During the initial stages of getting to know someone, avoidants typically avoid texting. You'll find that they don't text too much. They need time and space to get to know you before they can text you more freely. Avoid bombarding them with texts during this stage.

We have found that on average a fearful avoidant will not initiate a reconnection with you. However, there is a window of time where they do consider it and if you time it right you can get them to come back if that's what you want.

The first reason a dismissive avoidant ex may come back to you is if the relationship ended on neutral or positive terms. People with this attachment style aren't big on processing difficult emotions because, often, they struggle with emotional intelligence.

As far as the dismissive more specifically, most likely they'll just fade to black and you won't hear from them after that first month. Around almost a two month mark is when the dismissive avoidant is going to really start to feel things. They are going to start feeling the breakup.

Dismissive-avoidant after breakup: short-term

So in the aftermath of a painful breakup, they are less likely to turn to friends and family. They want to deal with things on their own. And when it comes to challenging, romantic feelings, airing their 'dirty laundry' is often the last thing they want to do.

The first thing that you want to do in order to re-attract your dismissive avoidant ex, is to back away and give them the time and the space. That can be really difficult for the anxious preoccupied to do because they are often triggered and their anxiety is going all over the place.

Avoidants will use many justifications (to themselves as well as others) to avoid exposing these basic truths. They have fewer break-up regrets and feel relieved at leaving their partner, but will then seek out someone the same.

The fearful avoidant will typically go through a period of euphoria after a breakup due to their newfound freedom from the confines of the relationship. However, that doesn't mean they won't eventually regret the breakup.

People with an avoidant attachment style tend to lose interest in relationships and quickly move on to someone “more compatible”. They have an internal detachment mechanism.. Sometimes an avoidant ex will come back after some time because they've had enough distance from you to start to idealize you again..

How much space do you give an avoidant? ›

Allow them space to move at their own pace. Your willingness to be patient and without demand in the short term will render success in the long term. they will allow you to be around them, but not close to them; at least not until they feel safe enough to let you in.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

They desperately want to feel connected but have a hard time trusting others. They tend to rely on themselves and often see themselves as abandoned, but they push people away, in actuality. There is a constant fear that their partner will view them in a negative light and leave.

According to Schumann and Orehek, avoidant individuals were less likely to offer a comprehensive apology. Instead, they were defensive, prone to justify their behavior, blame the other person and make excuses.

People with a dismissive-avoidant style are not afraid of abandonment or the end of a relationship. When conflicts happen, a person with this attachment style often starts looking for the fastest way out of the relationship.

An avoidant-dismissive partner finds it very hard to commit to a loving relationship. They appear to have higher self-esteem, but stay emotionally distant due to emotional intimacy and trust being very difficult for them.

What you can do: Don't take it personally if they need some emotional space for a short time. Let them feel safe with their own thoughts and desires, and don't push them to talk to you about it until they are ready. If you try to push them too much, they will only withdraw more. Be patient.

Avoidant-attachment style personalities aren't emotionally mature enough to tell their partner the truth about how they feel, so they disappear when they become threatened with feeling vulnerable or close to someone.

As such, individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to deny feelings and take their sovereignty to an extreme. They don't rely on others and don't want others to rely on them, they keep their innermost thoughts to themselves, and they find it difficult to ask for help.

So, the first thing you need to do when figuring out why someone is ignoring you is determining if they have an avoidant attachment style. Essentially someone with an avoidant attachment style has a fear of intimacy when they feel like their personal freedoms are becoming threatened.

What makes a dismissive avoidant feel safe? ›

Avoidant personalities often feel like they can't rely on anyone. By showing your partner that you're reliable and dependable, they're much more likely to trust you. Make sure that you always keep your word, and be 100% honest with your partner.

Highly self-sufficient.

This is the #1 characteristic of someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style. They don't want to depend on you and they don't want you to depend on them. They want their freedom and independence and want (or at least think that they want) you to be the same way.

Give them space when they pull away. Avoidants need lots of space to feel comfortable in a relationship. Since they're afraid of commitment, spending too much time with them will make them feel smothered. When they start to grow distant, respect their need for time apart, even though it might be hard.

How do Avoidants detach? Children with avoidant attachment may also disconnect from their own needs and feelings. These children may learn to self-soothe and feel as though they can only rely on themselves. As a result, they have little motivation or trust to seek help or support from others.

Mixed signals can definitely mean that the other person isn't going all in on you, but that's not the only answer at play. Often, those who give off mixed signals have avoidant attachment styles, a learned coping strategy where the person shies away from closeness and intimacy because it makes them uncomfortable.

An avoidant partner needs to trust that you're there for them without being overly clingy. They also tend to watch behaviors intently to believe that. So, doing things together to create positive feelings will build trust over time. Examples include reading, walking, and going to shows together, amongst others.

Yes, an avoidant misses you. They are just afraid of recognizing the feelings that they have. An avoidant will miss you, the moment they realize that they have lost you forever. This is not easy for them too because at one moment everything is lovely for them.

We already know that regret for a fearful avoidant doesn't come until they feel safe to feel regret. Usually that means “you've moved on to someone else” or you haven't talked to them in a long time. The problem we see with most of our clients is their inability to control their anxious behaviors.

Avoidants do sometimes cycle back around to those they have shut out, disappeared on, and ignored. However, just because they come back this doesn't mean this is a viable relationship.

How long does it take for a dismissive avoidant to miss you? ›

An avoidant will miss you, the moment they realize that they have lost you forever. This is not easy for them too because at one moment everything is lovely for them. What is this? They want to get to know you more, but when the connection feels too heavy for them, they backup.

How long do Avoidants pull away for? So a lot of the times you'll see them recover within the next three to five days so leaving them alone is really a great way to deal with the situation. Of course, it's always easier said than done especially when many of our clients have anxious attachment styles.

Avoidant partners may fail to acknowledge your feelings or rarely express their own emotions. They may not know how to handle emotional conversations or issues. If you have an emotional response, they may tell you it makes no sense or try to reason you out of your feelings.

The dismissive avoidant tends to ruminate on the break-up for quite a while. To the anxious preoccupied, that's going to look to them as if the person just doesn't care, but that's not the case. They need the time to sit with their feelings and understand if the break-up was an overreaction or not.

A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.

Avoidant-attachment style personalities aren't emotionally mature enough to tell their partner the truth about how they feel, so they disappear when they become threatened with feeling vulnerable or close to someone.